We received a prayer request and question regarding loss “……” I (Britney) want to try and tackle this question, as loss and grief are a VERY real part of all of our lives.
I feel like loss has stamped its mark across my life in many ways. I have felt the sting of losing a child, a close loved one, the proper use of my right leg, the ability to play the sport I love (soccer), my church, and a group of friends. There is a deep pain associated with loss that if not dealt with in a healthy way, can tempt us back into the Egypt we have come from.
Many of us get angry with ourselves asking, “Why am I struggling with this again?” But, honestly, that is the wrong question to be asking. When we are feeling intense emotions it is important for us to think about why we are feeling them, what we are needing, and then reach out to have those needs met. The temptation for old behaviors usually comes when we have unresolved emotions that we stuff deep down. Soon the pressure builds and our minds once again think of those past “tricks” that will immediately soothe the deep heartache. Therefore, it is important to learn the process of grieving and secondly, it is important to give yourself permission to go through that process.
I recently had to walk through the process of grief because I had my tenth right knee surgery. Not only was I so disappointed in having to be operated on again, but this injury and operation meant the end of my soccer career. Soccer has been a huge part of my life. I played elite soccer my whole life, it was my dream to play 4 years of college soccer. My career ended shortly after 1.5 years. It was devastating because I had already fought and overcome so many prior surgeries, that it seemed unreal that it could all be over in a matter of 3 seconds of tearing my ACL again. And so my grief process began.
There are 5 stages to the grieving process including: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. There is no rule on the order and no rule on the time span. But it is good to be aware of yourself walking through the process. I know I asked God “why” hundreds of times through this process. I cried, got angry, cried out to Him, begged Him to heal me so I could play again, got so down and isolated, and then had a breakthrough. I let it all out and then let God in. God reassured me with His love. He quieted me, lead me to still waters, and He restored my soul. Then He did what He always promises to do. He redeemed the loss by opening the door for me to coach.
When you are experiencing loss, the Psalms are a wonderful place to plant yourself in the Word. It encourages honesty and transparency with the Lord. But there is also another bible story that is near and dear to me this year in Genesis 16. It is the story of Sarai insisting that her husband Abram have a baby with her servant Hagar. She then gets jealous and deals with Hagar so harshly that Hagar leaves everything she knows, vulnerable and pregnant, and runs away. BUT GOD SEES HER and says, “You are now pregnant and you will give birth to a son. You shall name him Ishmael, for the LORD has heard of your misery.” And Hagar responds, “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”
God sees you right where you are, right in the process, right in the hurt and the pain and the mess. Just let yourself go THROUGH and don’t stay stuck.