As the authors of Reflections of Beauty: Unashamed, we wanted to open up to you and let you into our pasts and our lives. We feel it is important that we give honesty to you as you openly spill out your questions you may have to us. This is the beginning of a three blog series of about the authors. We as well are Mercy grads. Although all three of us come from very different backgrounds all three of us have the same ending, we were rescued by the Lord. We know that have been too! Together we can help each other run this race, we can help each other run it in encouragement, compassion, understanding, and challenges all for the glory of God. To Him we owe our lives, why? Because He will always be the one to truly love us!
We begin this series with the testimony of one of three of our authors, Kristen Marcantel!!
Broken Chains
(Kristen’s Testimony)
Life is a journey, a moment in time. During the journey, God shapes each heart to reflect His beauty. Each of us has been strategically placed in this moment by His grace. He already knows who the people are that we will meet and the places that we will walk. He holds each moment of our lives in His hands and knows the beginning from the end…
As a little girl, I had no idea where this journey would lead. My heart was filled with huge dreams and enough ambition to conquer the world. In my mind, life would work out exactly as I had planned. Life would be perfect!
A negative self- image was traced back to my kindergarten years. By age twelve, I became overly occupied with how my body looked and self- image. I began comparing my body figure to models and magazine covers. My life was to be perfect therefore my body had to look perfect as well. The perfectionism spilled over into my daily life. My grades had to be perfect and I had to make straight A’s. I set goals that were unrealistic. I wanted my parents to be proud and not disappointed in me. No matter how hard I worked at making my life perfect, I felt as though nothing that I did was ever good enough. Everything on the outside was to look right, but on the inside everything was crumbling down in a spiraling whirl of an eating disorder. My view of God became distorted and twisted in this world of perfectionism as well. I saw God as a God who was there, but far away. I had to appear perfect before Him and work to please Him. As my thoughts and body- image progressively became more twisted and distorted, the eating disorder spun out of control. You see, in my mind I had complete control. If life did not work out the way I had planned, I had the eating disorder. The eating disorder was mine. I made it my identity. After about five hospital stays, Dr’s quickly placed me in the three percent statistic of not surviving the disorder. My parents were told that I was too far gone to ever recover. HOWEVER, I found a book in a local Christian bookstore titled, “Mercy for Eating Disorders” written by Nancy Alcorn. It took me nearly two years to read it because it was very difficult to face the truth. Once I read it I knew I had to get to Mercy as quickly as possible. It was at Mercy that I met the real God who knows my imperfections, but loves me anyway. I learned that I am handcrafted and treasured in His sight. On June 22, 2006, I graduated from the Nashville, TN home filled with a new vision and hope for life.
Ever since graduating from Mercy, I have been in a waiting period. I have not lost hope, though some days are not easy. Some days I literally have to let tears out as I continue to press forward. The difference now is that I have chosen to follow the dreams that God has placed within my heart. Though it has taken a long time in this waiting period, I have allowed myself to follow peace and not fight against it.
Eating disorders destroy relationships. Eating disorders trick you and cause you to believe that you have full control, when in reality it crushes the dreams in your heart and hurts the love ones around you. It takes time to overcome. Freedom comes through Christ. Only He can break the chains that hold you back! It is a daily decision to choose Christ and not the disorder. As you walk out your freedom, chains will fall off of you in every area of your life. Even today, I find myself in a new level of freedom that I did not know existed.
My heart is bursting to encourage someone right now. You have been waiting and waiting. You feel as though you have been forgotten. Let me tell you that you are not forgotten. God has made you new! As He looks at you, He sees beauty in its purest form. He is proud of you! He has not placed you on a shelf. He has a tremendous plan for your life. You see, even in the waiting time, we must continue to do what is right in the eyes of Christ. Pour His Word into your life so that you can stay encouraged and can walk intimately with Him on this journey. While you wait, God is working in you. He is preparing your destiny for you at this very moment. Keep holding on to hope. Keep following peace. Keep dreaming BIG! There will be days that are discouraging, I know exactly how that is. But keep pressing in. Tomorrow is a new day! I encourage you to, “Ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory- to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing Him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what He is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life He has for His followers, oh the utter extravagance of His work in us who trust Him- endless ENERGY, boundless STRENGTH” – Ephesians 1:18-19 (The message).
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